Yesterday, as I scrolled through the ‘new to NETFLIX’, I stumbled on the latest reality dating show, Sexy Beasts. The premise of Sexy Beasts is simple but surprising – love seeking participants embark on blind dates – and by blind, they and their match are disguised by fantastical masks (‘Dolphin’ say hello to your date, ‘Demon’). While I can’t applaud the show for its production values, it is refreshing to see a dating show that doesn’t put emphasis on physical attributes. Sexy Beasts sparks a conversation about what makes for a ‘real connection’.
At Yvonne Allen & Associates, our clients – like the lovers on Sexy Beast – meet without having seen a photo of their date. Instead, matches are selected based on a commonality of goals, a shared approach to life and other values based attributes.
For many who meet the Yvonne Allen way, becoming clearer about what they are really looking for in someone special and a relationship is of great value.
Quite often couples who have met through us will say that they would never have recognized
each other if their paths had crossed during the normal course of life. They had an image in their mind of what they were seeking which had little to do with the reality!
Human Beings Don’t Come Made to Order
It is one thing to fantasy about the ideal partner – and another to discover that human beings don’t come made to order. In fact many of our clients have been surprised, and delighted, to discover that their soulmate proved to be quite different to what they had dreamed they’d be. All too often we can limit our options for happiness by focusing on things that may have little to do with what really matters. Many of our clients would have missed out on meeting Mr/Ms Right if a consultant had not queried their preferences. It is normal to have ideals about physical features such as height or age or build or colour of hair when imagining that special someone. Alas these preferences can be given far too much emphasis, preventing us from having the opportunity to meet the love of our life.
If you stop and think about the people that have been most important in your love life thus far, have they all fit a formula? Maybe, like a beautiful woman who came to the consultancy in quest of ‘Mr Right’, you realise that this is just not the case. When asked about a sought for partner’s appearance she responded “tall dark and handsome” – which was quite reasonable given her own good looks and height. However, she burst out laughing when she then said she’d prefer to leave this open,, recalling that the most sexy and wonderful man she had ever had in her life had been “short, fat and balding”!
We Are All Unique
Unlike commodities such as cars, we are not manufactured to specifications. Each of us is unique and it is the total package that makes us the individual we are. Perhaps like David, a delightful client some years back, you could say “well I’m tall and dark – that’s two out of three!” and immediately become attractive as your personality and sense of humour shine through.
When you look in the mirror, do you see what you would like someone special to rank top of the list in their valuing of you? Or are there things about who you are that matter more? Your personality, your values, your interests and lifestyle, your appreciation of others and the world around you, your ability to love, your hopes and dreams….the list of possibilities seems endless…
Yes, age and appearance do matter – but so do so many other things. When working on behalf of clients, our consultants encourage exploration beyond the physical and superficial when thinking about what we really want and need in a partner and a relationship. At Yvonne Allen and Associates magic happens…especially for those who are open to being surprised and delighted by the real rather than limiting their joy in life because of a fantasy!