Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars…surely you’ve heard this before, and for many men this rings true. From a male perspective women can be hard to understand. What do women want?
Over my many years of helping singles find and keep the love they seek I have been asked this question more than once! The answer is simple. There are many things a man can do to ensure a mutually enjoyable relationship.
How to help make the chemistry happen for her!
Okay, so you fancy yourself as a bit of a ladies man?
Even if attracting a woman may seem easy for you, keeping her – and your relationship – happy and fulfilling is a whole different ball game.
“It’s not just about having the ability to attract a woman you like,” Yvonne Allen, Australia’s premier matchmaker and relationship mentor, says. “It’s about knowing how to help her to be happy so that she will want you as her man…and is likely to be more willing to enjoy sex.”
The women of today are very different to women looking for a relationship 20 to 30 years ago.
“Many women are now much more career-focused and can support themselves independently,” she says. “Their reasons for needing a relationship are different from when they looked to a partnership to provide the material support while they focused on caring for family.”
If you would prefer to have a real partnership rather than a series of flings going nowhere, it is worth asking yourself what you might need to do differently.
How gender differences can help you understand what women want
“One of the most helpful insights relevant to the changes apparent in women of today has been revealed by recent research into gender differences,” Yvonne says. “It would seem that the demands of the workplace can produce higher levels of testosterone in women that help them to achieve, but can leave them highly stressed at the end of the day. For guys, however, firing on testosterone actually reduces their stress levels but depletes their supply so after a hard day’s work they need to take time out and recharge.”
Women have ‘feel good’ hormones called oxytocins in much higher supply than men. Oxytocins help reduce stress and make a woman more relaxed and more open to enjoying life – and sex with her partner. These hormones are stimulated in a woman by simple things such as:
- being touched,
- giving and receiving other physical expressions of affection like hugs without sexual intent,
- friendships with other women,
- being able to talk in an open-ended way without seeking or receiving advice, feeling that what she is saying is being heard,
- giving to others,
- taking care of others,
- feeling appreciated…the list goes on.
“Unfortunately, for many women, the day-to-day demands of their career do not provide many opportunities for their oxytocins to flow,” Yvonne says. “They are goal-focused, often doing things ‘as if a man’ and their interactions with other women are competitive rather than oxytocin producing. They can be highly stressed without realising it and be run by ‘to do’ lists rather than being able to stop, relax and smell the roses.”
How to woo and win your woman
So what’s this got to do with you wooing and winning? If you want a woman to enjoy a relationship with you, there are simple things you as a guy can do to help her to help herself.
A few suggestions from a long list include:
- If after the first date you say you’ll call her, do so within a few days. Women really appreciate knowing that you are interested. Leaving it longer is likely to add to her stress and she may not be receptive when you finally get round to making contact.
- If you do not want to turn a first date into a second, it is much better to let her know this at the end of the date – or when you make that call. This will reduce the stress that results from waiting for a call that never comes!
- Listen to her without thinking you need to provide advice or solve a problem – don’t offer solutions unless she asks for one. This adds to her stress! Talking and being heard causes her feel good hormones, oxytocins, to rise.
- Realise that the gesture and the frequency of giving to her is what counts rather than the size of the gift. Each time you do her oxytocins flow! A single rose as a surprise on several occasions during the year means far more to most women than a dozen on Valentine’s Day!
Whether or not you are interested in a serious relationship, such simple suggestions will improve your rating when it comes to pleasing a woman. However, if you plan on ‘playing the field’ for the long term, Yvonne warns that ‘living singly’ can be a health hazard. This is especially the case for men as a relationship allows a man to express his emotions and have his needs for intimacy met in ways not possible via the casual affair.
“Many research results indicate that men in stable relationships are likely to be happier and to live longer – so why not delight in the giving of oxytocins over the long term,” Yvonne says.